Divorce is never easy, even if you are the one who initiated it. And navigating a divorce during the holidays can be especially painful. You can expect a flood of emotions as you try to balance time-worn traditions and new realities. No matter how much you realize divorce was the best decision, you’re now feeling overwhelmed by the impending loss of family togetherness and all the other trappings of the holiday season.
This, too, shall pass. But right now, it may seem insurmountable. Let’s explore some ways you can make it through this holiday season while navigating the emotionally fragile terrain of a divorce.
Taking Care of Yourself
Priority number one will be to take care of yourself.
During a divorce, you already have enough pressure. Give yourself the time and permission to step back from having to meet expectations and obligations that heap more onto your already overburdened plate. Take some time for self-reflection. Go to the gym or find some time in nature. Avoid triggers like social media with all its happy curated photos that can send you right over the comparison cliff.
Putting yourself front and center right now will help create a buffer against all the emotional ups and downs you’re likely to encounter during the holiday season.
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Preparing for the Emotional Rollercoaster
Navigating the holidays during a divorce can trigger a wide range of emotions, from nostalgia, to remorse, to anger, to sadness. Allow yourself to feel everything as it comes up.
Grief is a normal response to the loss of your family structure as you knew it, especially during emotionally charged times such as the holidays. It may be helpful to schedule some time to talk with a trusted friend or therapist or join a support group to help you remember that what you are feeling is normal and expected. When you are feeling down, the support and understanding of good friends and professionals can be critical.
Communicating Your Needs With Family and Friends
Your friends and family mean well. They may be worried about you and want to distract you from your sense of loss.
But sometimes, their “support” can feel like too much. You may or may not want to discuss the things going on in your life, and that’s okay. Set boundaries with friends, co-workers, and family members, and let them know the best ways they can support you during this time. You may have to explain to family members or friends that this year, their event just feels too overwhelming for you to attend, or you can agree to come for a short time and duck out early.
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Learning to Say “No”
The holidays are full of social gatherings and family obligations. Saying “no” to some or most of these social obligations may be necessary for your mental health.
You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation. Most people will understand if they know you’re going through a divorce. If you’re trying to avoid the large family holiday gathering, offer to meet individual loved ones for coffee or dinner instead. Invite friends over who are also experiencing the holiday season alone, or plan a short trip out of town. Many organizations look for volunteers during the holiday season, which can be a good exercise in realizing that many people are struggling with some aspect of life, not just you.
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Putting Your Divorce Aside for the Time Being
The legal divorce process can be grueling, and it can be difficult to be upbeat and happy when you are knee-deep in negotiations and legal discussions.
If you can, set divorce matters aside until after the holidays. This allows you time and space to focus on the things that really matter during the holiday and gives you a deserved time-out from the emotional turmoil of a divorce proceeding.
Reframing Your Perspective
During your divorce, it’s natural to focus on everything you’ve lost and the things that will never be the same. But divorce also offers new beginnings and a different path forward. Reflecting on the possibilities available to you instead of the losses can provide a shift of perspective and help you focus on your future instead of the past.
Focusing on Your Children
Co-parenting can be one of the most emotionally wrenching parts of the holidays if you have children. Gone are those illusions of the picture-perfect holiday togetherness you always envisioned for your family. Now, you are fighting over who gets to spend those precious moments with them.
A final custody order will formalize your custody arrangements and the division of holiday schedules, but if that has not yet happened, you will want to prioritize your children’s happiness when dividing the holiday. Given the changes and challenges they are already facing, the focus should be on creating the most positive experience for your children possible,
Keep any disputes with your co-parent out of earshot of your kids. If you and your co-parent can put your differences aside and create a holiday that keeps your childrens’ interests at heart, everyone will be better for it. Be there for your children’s holiday performances and school activities. Show a united front, coordinate gift-giving, be flexible and respectful, and accommodate any long-held traditions that will allow your kids to feel safe and loved.
The bottom line is that the holidays will look different from what they did before. The more organized, proactive, and cooperative you can be until a formal custody agreement is developed, the more normal your children’s holiday will feel and the more civil your co-parenting relationship will be.
How a Temporary Custody Arrangement Can Help Reduce Holiday Disputes
When you are newly separated or not yet divorced, the holiday season can be one of the most challenging times as a co-parent. Seeking a temporary custody order can be helpful for co-parents whose cases are still pending and permanent custody hasn’t yet been established.
A temporary custody agreement will provide you and your co-parent a legal framework outlining your custody arrangements, holiday schedules, visitation, and any other parental responsibilities while your divorce is pending. It can also avoid last minute conflicts, confusion, and miscommunications. When you and your co-parent can plan around a formal custody agreement, it provides consistency, predictability, and a more stable environment for your kids.
Getting Legal Guidance
Navigating a divorce during the holidays is emotionally challenging for anyone, especially when there are custody and scheduling disputes. A temporary custody order may be an option if you and your co-parent are struggling with custody or visitation issues.
If you have questions about custody rights and temporary orders, the family law attorneys at Melone Hatley, P.C. are here to help. We will ensure that your custody rights are being protected and your children’s best interests prioritized when you are navigating a separation or divorce during the holidays. Contact us by phone at (877) 812-4680 or schedule a consultation through our website contact form.
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