Summertime is around the corner, and keeping to agreed-upon visitation schedules can be challenging when working around the end of the school year, summer camps and activities, and separate vacation plans. Unfortunately, when summer temperatures soar, co-parents often find it hard to keep their cool with each other.
At Melone Hatley, P.C., our experienced Charlotte family law lawyers understand how challenging co-parenting can be, even in the best scenarios. We are here to offer some summer co-parenting tips that prioritize your children’s best interests, keep everyone’s summer schedules on track, and help you keep your cool with your co-parent.
Summer Can Require a Temporary Overhaul of Your Regular Visitation Schedule
For children, summer is a season of laid-back fun. But if you’re sharing custody of your children with your ex-spouse, “fun” is probably not the adjective you’d use when hammering out a summer visitation schedule. Conflicting summer schedules can challenge even the most cooperative co-parents with the most seamless parenting plans.
Designing a detailed summer visitation schedule that considers everyone’s needs and individual summer plans and schedules will often require an overhaul of your existing co-parenting schedule. How can you and your co-parent create a harmonious summer schedule that allows your children to spend sufficient quality time with each of you while considering each other’s personal summer schedules?
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North Carolina Custody Plans Provide For Summer
North Carolina custody agreements allow the parents to recognize the need for different schedules to assist with their unique circumstances. Your “regular” parenting time is the schedule that provides the framework you will follow for most of the year. “Special” parenting time considers specific holidays, vacation time, or breaks in the school year, like summer and spring breaks, when you must deviate from the regular schedule.
Unfortunately, these “special” times are much more fluid and likely to change from year to year – and even last minute. This means co-parents must find a way to work together to devise a schedule that works for each other and the well-being of their children.
Open an Early Conversation About Summer Plans
The worst time to address summer plans is at the last minute when summer is already upon you, and you suddenly need to rearrange everyone’s schedule. Last-minute summer arrangements put everyone on the defensive and create unnecessary stress for both co-parents and children.
Begin the conversation about summer plans several months in advance to allow everyone time to work around existing plans and make necessary accommodations. Opening an early discussion signals that you’re willing to cooperate and expect cooperation in return, and it gives everyone, including your kids, time for input.
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Consider the Bigger Picture
When creating a summer schedule, your and your co-parent’s work commitments, your children’s activity calendars, and individual and family summer plans that have already been scheduled should be considered. Furthermore, extended family events, holidays, birthdays, or other social engagements will also influence your arrangements. While trying to consider everyone’s needs and schedule will be frustrating, these efforts ensure your kids have scheduled access to both of you and their extended families during the busy summer months.
Documenting an agreed-upon summer schedule in writing ensures everyone is on the same page, prevents misunderstandings, and provides a reference point if disputes arise. Discuss a contingency plan in case of any unforeseen changes so you will already have an agreed-upon solution in place.
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The 3-Cs in Co-Parenting: Communication, Cooperation, and Consideration
Communication, cooperation, and consideration are the backbone of any good relationship. They are also essential for an effective co-parenting arrangement.
Unfortunately, many divorced co-parents struggle with these three objectives. After all, these may have been primary challenges when they were married. However, co-parenting means pulling off the gloves and coming together in the best interests of your children. And that means coming together in ways you may have struggled with as a married couple.
Communication
Transparent and honest communication is the best strategy for these scheduling discussions. Choosing a neutral and private place keeps territorial advantages to a minimum. If you can’t do this in person, you may need to have these discussions via email or text.
An accusatory tone can shut down any constructive communication that requires mutual agreement. The bottom line is that constructive communication will be one of the most critical things you can develop as co-parents, especially concerning child custody and parenting conversations.
Cooperation
Creating a summer visitation schedule will require flexibility and compromise from everyone. No schedule will be perfect, and neither you nor your co-parent will likely get everything you want.
A willingness to understand each other’s position can result in smoother transitions and more cooperative co-parenting decisions. Adjusting for special events or being flexible to ensure your children get quality time with both of you shows them that you and your ex-spouse can put your differences aside to consider their best interests. It also sets the stage for mutual respect between you as co-parents, both now and throughout your co-parenting relationship.
Consideration
Planning and managing the various logistics of summer child custody in North Carolina will be challenging. Adjusting to everyone’s schedules and having realistic expectations will be key to getting through the summer as effective, calm, and happy co-parents.
To keep on the same page, agree on how you will share any events, changes, and updates to the schedule. Various apps, shared calendars, and even traditional shared spreadsheets can offer a centralized place for you to keep plans organized and exchange information. Discuss and document parental responsibilities when you’re on vacation with your children, and agree to rules of behavior when everyone is outside their regular schedule and home setting. This keeps rules stable and consistent and avoids misunderstandings between you and your co-parent.
What Happens If Your Co-Parent Won’t Cooperate?
You and your ex-spouse could potentially be co-parenting for a long time, and you will have to work through many changes and challenges. Unfortunately, not all divorcing couples co-parent effectively and respectfully.
North Carolina child custody laws prioritize the best interests of the child in any custody arrangement, and establishing a cooperative co-parenting relationship, in the beginning, can mitigate years of potential disputes between you and your co-parent and be fundamental to your children’s relationships with you and feelings of safety and stability.
What can you do if your ex-spouse is not only unwilling to compromise on a summer visitation schedule but won’t even abide by your regular custody agreement? Modification of an existing North Carolina child custody agreement may help constructively resolve co-parent conflicts. But when one parent repeatedly violates a custody agreement, legal custody enforcement may be possible. If your co-parent consistently violates your custody agreement in substantial ways, you’ll want to discuss this with your attorney to understand the requirements and consequences of pursuing it legally.
Getting Skilled Legal Counsel
Parenting can be challenging in the best of situations, and, unfortunately, it can bring out the worst in a couple’s post-divorce relationship dynamics. The experienced Charlotte, NC family lawyers at Melone Hatley, P.C. know this and are dedicated to helping clients navigate divorce in a way that best protects their and their children’s well-being. If you have questions about how to develop a summer visitation schedule, how to enforce your existing custody schedule, or are considering a custody modification, we are here to help. Call us at (980) 288-8909 or contact us through our website contact form to schedule a free consultation.
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