Spring break is exciting for most families. Travelling, seeing extended family, spending quality time together.
But for divorced parents who share custody, this time of year comes with logistical and emotional challenges. Balancing schedules, expectations, and family traditions can feel overwhelming, often leading to co-parenting disputes. For co-parents who must navigate spring break and other school breaks and holidays, it is critical to have a clear and structured approach so they can co-parent effectively, minimize conflicts, and ensure their children’s best interests are prioritized.
Understanding Your Custody Agreement
Before making any spring break plans, you should carefully review your custody agreement. Most agreements outline custody arrangements for holidays and school breaks, such as
- Schedules where one parent has the entire break or a split between parents
- Holidays and vacations that alternate each year
- Priority clauses where certain holidays have priority over a regular custody schedule
If your agreement doesn’t address or is vague about breaks, holidays, or vacations, you will want to ensure you and your co-parent are on the same page about who has the children during these times.
Making plans outside the terms of your custody agreement – or without your co-parent’s consent – can be considered a violation of your court order and have legal consequences. Always confirm and communicate any changes in writing, and when in doubt, consult with your family law attorney before proceeding.
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Plan Well in Advance
The more preparation and planning, the smoother these transitions will be for you, your co-parent, and your children.
Communicate early with your co-parent, discussing your holiday or vacation plans well in advance, any changes you will make to your usual routine, what trips and events you’ve scheduled, and how you could stay in touch through phone or video calls so everyone can remain connected. You and your co-parent should also agree on reasonable times for check-ins, good-night calls, or video chats. Supporting these connections demonstrates your commitment to co-parenting cooperatively and putting your children’s well-being first.
Keeping Mindful of the Emotional Impact of a Change in Routine
After a divorce, holidays and vacations can be emotional for both parents and children. For children especially, vacations or time away without one parent can stir up feelings of sadness, anxiety, and even guilt about spending extended time with one parent and not the other.
Focusing on your children’s well-being and not just the calendar allows them to relax and enjoy their break. If they’re old enough, ask for their input about what they see as the best way of spending time together. Don’t put your children in the middle of disagreements with your co-parent or ask them to choose between you. Children do best when they’re free to love both parents without guilt or pressure. A positive experience with both of you only enriches your child’s life.
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Being Flexible and Keeping Your Children’s Needs First
While custody agreements are important for structure and consistency, real life doesn’t always fit neatly into even the best-made plans. Travel delays, illnesses, last-minute changes, or unexpected family obligations can still arise during holidays and school breaks. Maintaining a flexible outlook can help avoid unnecessary conflicts and reduce added stress for everyone, especially your children.
Flexibility doesn’t mean giving up your rights. It means being willing to reasonably adjust your plans when circumstances call for it and expecting the same level of cooperation and consideration from your co-parent. Because children benefit from parents who demonstrate teamwork and collaboration, flexibility reinforces that both you and your co-parent are working for the benefit of your child, not against each other.
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What to Do When Disputes Arise
Even the most cooperative co-parents with the most detailed custody agreements disagree occasionally, especially around high-stakes custody issues like school breaks, holidays, and vacations. How you handle disputes can make a big difference in the outcome itself and your ongoing co-parenting relationship.
Try Direct Communication First
If you’ve hit a roadblock, reach out calmly and respectfully to your co-parent. Many disagreements begin as miscommunications and assumptions that can usually be cleared up with a simple conversation. Stick to the facts and avoid emotional triggers or accusations. Once you’ve reached a resolution, follow it up in writing to further prevent any potential misunderstandings.
Use Written Communication or Co-Parenting Apps
If your verbal communications tend to escalate, limit your communication to text messages or parenting tools like co-parenting apps. These platforms usually document your communication, which can keep your conversation focused and reduce any hostility.
When You Have Ongoing Disputes About Custody Arrangements
If you and your co-parent have ongoing disputes over custody arrangements or parenting time, you may want to consider other avenues. Mediation is where a neutral third party facilitates conversations that find solutions that work for both parents.
However, when all else fails, you may need to take legal action. Courts take violations of custody agreements very seriously, and you may need to seek legal action. Common reasons parents seek legal support include:
- One parent unilaterally changing the schedule
- Denying scheduled visitation or make-up time
- Traveling with the children without notification or consent
- Refusing to communicate or cooperate in good faith
Navigating shared custody during spring break doesn’t have to be a source of conflict when you and your co-parent can agree to plan early, communicate clearly, have a flexible mindset, and commit to your children’s well-being over any personal grievances. By keeping the focus where it belongs – on what’s best for your children – you reduce stress and tension and build a more cooperative and respectful co-parenting relationship with each other.
At Melone Hatley, P.C., we understand co-parenting can be overwhelming even in the best circumstances. Our compassionate child custody attorneys can help you resolve disputes effectively while putting your children’s needs and well-being first. Whether through negotiation or litigation, we are here to find long-term solutions that work for you and your family. Call us at 800-479-8124 or schedule a free consultation with one of our client services coordinators through our website contact page.
Schedule a call with one of our client services coordinators today.
