For most, the holidays are a time for friends, family, and celebration. However, for those dealing with marital issues, it can also mean time for some serious reflection about the future of their relationship.
If this sounds like you, you may have pushed off the idea of divorce to get past the stress and chaos of the holidays. After all, the family is around, and the kids are out of school. You don’t want to ruin the holiday mood. Just one last happy holiday, you hope, and then you will focus on making a decision.
But marital difficulties typically simmer under the surface for a long time, and all it takes is one more strained interaction with your spouse, and the holiday cheer you’ve tried so hard to maintain is no longer remotely cheerful. Is it any wonder that January, the optimistic harbinger of new beginnings, has earned the moniker of “divorce month?”
Do Divorces Really Spike After the Holidays?
Does January really earn its divorce month nickname? Some research seems to suggest so. At the very least, family law firms often report seeing an increase in calls and new divorce cases at the beginning of the year, peaking around March. What might this timing say about people’s decisions to end their marriage after the holidays?
Emotional Triggers and Reaching the Breaking Point
Holidays mean a frenzy of activity, busyness, and heightened emotions. For married couples already experiencing strain in their relationship, this can cause them to reach a boiling point as they attempt to navigate family gatherings and financial pressures and keep it all together during the holidays for appearance’s sake.
The Last Chance Factor
For some couples, the holidays offer a tiny sense of optimism. They hope the time spent together and the joy of the season may just reignite a spark and provide an opportunity to salvage their marriage. When this fails or fades after the holidays end, it can be the final realization that the marriage is over.
Avoiding the Added Stress Through the Holidays
The holidays are stressful enough. Getting through it without the added burden of divorce proceedings and animosity just makes sense. Delaying filing for divorce until after the holidays allows a couple to maintain appearances as the “happy family” for their children, friends, extended family members, and even themselves until all the glitter and ornaments are packed away.
New Year, New Beginnings
The new year is a symbol of change and possibility. Addressing long-standing martial issues in this atmosphere of hope for the future can muster the courage and motivation to finally make a move to leave a marriage that is no longer working.
Financial and Other Practical Considerations
Filing for divorce after the first of the year also offers some practical financial advantages. Property division will involve holiday expenditures and end-of-year bonuses, creating a clearer picture of marital assets and liabilities. Furthermore, waiting until the beginning of the year will allow a couple to file taxes jointly for the previous year, which could offer tax advantages.
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Preparing for a Divorce After the Holidays
If you have decided to hold off filing for your divorce until the holiday dust has settled, there are still things you could be doing to prepare for that time.
Research Family Law Attorneys
Research and consult with one or more divorce attorneys in your area so you can understand what the process entails and your legal rights and obligations. Divorce laws vary significantly from state to state, so you will want to understand the laws in your jurisdiction and how they may affect your particular situation.
Will Your Divorce Be Contested or Uncontested?
Are you and your spouse on the same page about a divorce, and how likely are you to approach it cooperatively? Or does your spouse have no idea about your plans for divorce and cooperation is unlikely? An uncontested divorce will be your best option if you can negotiate and collaborate on your own divorce terms. While a contested divorce can be acrimonious and costly, this may be your reality given your circumstances. Fortunately, a contested divorce can become an uncontested one at any point.
What Grounds Will You Use to File for Your Divorce?
Grounds for divorce is the legally recognized reason for ending your marriage. A no-fault divorce is usually less contentious and costly than filing with fault-based grounds. However, there may be advantages to filing with fault-based grounds depending on your circumstances. You will want to discuss this with your attorney to make a decision that best suits your situation.
Consider Residency and Waiting Period Requirements
Are you eligible to file for divorce? Most states require you or your spouse to be residents of the state in which you are filing to establish legal jurisdiction over your divorce. In some states, a waiting period may also be mandated before you can file for divorce. For instance, if you are filing for divorce in Virginia, you or your spouse must have been residents for at least six months. If you are filing for a no-fault divorce, you will also need to be separated from your spouse for a period of time before you can file.
Begin to Protect Your Privacy and Monitor Joint Accounts
In preparation for your divorce, you will want to start separating your finances from your spouse. Open a bank account and credit card in your own name. Change passwords to your personal emails, bank accounts, and other online logins and avoid using shared devices for private communications. Keep track of any joint accounts to ensure there are no unusual withdrawals or expenditures leading up to your divorce. You may want to talk to your lawyer about temporary orders that will protect you financially until your divorce is final.
Gather and Organize Your Financial Documents
Because your divorce will require a detailed picture of your and your spouse’s financial situation, you should gather all your financial documents, such as your tax returns, bank statements, investment accounts, retirement accounts, credit card statements, and mortgage statements.You should also list all your shared assets you acquired while you were married. This will not only help you understand your current financial standing but also help facilitate property division, child support, and alimony discussions and negotiations during the divorce process.
Evaluate Your Future Financial Needs
If you have been financially dependent on your spouse during your marriage, you will want to consider your eligibility for spousal support. You may be eligible for financial support from your spouse to allow you to get additional training or education to become financially independent. Furthermore, if you care for small children at home, this will also be considered in support decisions.
Consider Your Housing Options
You and your spouse will have to move physically apart at some point. If you need to fulfill a separation requirement, this must be sooner rather than later. Decide whether you want to remain in your marital home or seek other housing. Start to research your rental or purchase options. Also consider which marital assets you want to keep, such as household items, furniture, or other shared belongings. Create a list of items you want, but be prepared that you may need to negotiate these as part of your property division.
Consider How You Will Share Custody of Your Children
Most courts believe shared child custody best serves the child’s interests. However, shared custody can look very different from one couple to another. How you share custody of your children will also have an impact on the child support one parent pays to the other. Your attorney will discuss your options so you can make custody decisions that best suit the interests of your children and your needs as co-parents.
Focus on Your Kids
If you have children, their well-being, both during the process and in the future, should be your number one priority. Start thinking about how you and your spouse can work together to ensure a happy and stable environment for your kids. Every decision you make regarding your divorce and your future co-parenting relationship with your ex-spouse should consider their welfare and happiness.
After all, you and your former spouse will be their parents for the rest of your lives. Ending your marriage with your children’s well-being in mind will be best for everyone. Plus, the court system is firm in making decisions that benefit your children’s well-being over yours or your spouse’s.
Prepare for Mediation or Court
Unless you and your spouse are completely in alignment about everything concerning your divorce, the process will likely require negotiation, mediation, or court intervention.
Depending on your level of cooperation or disputes, you will want to understand the processes of mediation or litigation so you are functionally and emotionally prepared. You and your attorney will need to work in harmony to ensure you are well-organized, educated about the process, and capable of advocating for yourself and your interests should your divorce terms rely on the court’s decisions.
How Can You Maintain a Cooperative Attitude During Your Divorce?
Divorce is never easy, but how you approach it can help make the process less contentious and more manageable. You can do this by
- Maintaining civility with your spouse as much as possible throughout the process. The more collaboration and less conflict, the better the outcomes when you can negotiate your divorce terms instead of relying on the court to determine them for you.
- Prioritizing respectful communication, particularly when children are involved. Co-parenting tools and apps exist to help you reduce misunderstandings and facilitate scheduling and communication at a difficult time.
- Being honest with your children in age-appropriate ways and ensuring them that both you and your spouse will continue to love and care for them.
- Shielding your children from any conflict and refraining from talking negatively about your spouse around your children.
- Staying focused on the future instead of the past.
- Prioritizing your well-being and building a supportive network of friends and family who will be there for you no matter what.
Filing for divorce after the holidays is a decision that requires courage, preparation, and a commitment to building a better future for yourself and your children. While the process can be daunting, it also offers opportunities for new beginnings and a happier future.
If your marriage is fraying at the seams during the holidays and you are considering your next moves, getting some insight and guidance can help you make the right decisions for your family and future. At Melone Hatley, P.C., our experienced family law attorneys are here to answer questions about the divorce process and how it might look, considering your unique situation. Call our office at (877) 812-4680 or schedule a free consultation through our website contact form.
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