Child custody disputes are some of the most emotionally charged and challenging legal battles parents can face. And decisions made during these cases can have long-lasting consequences for both parents and their children. Unfortunately, many parents unknowingly make mistakes that can not only jeopardize their legal custody case but also hurt their relationship with their child.
If you are navigating a custody dispute, it’s critical to understand what the court is looking for when making custody decisions, how inadvertent mistakes can derail your case, and how you can avoid making these mistakes during a custody case.
Mistake #1: The Failure to Prioritize Your Child’s Best Interests
While it’s natural during a custody dispute for emotions to run high, the court is looking at how well the parents prioritize their child’s welfare.
The legal standard typically used in custody cases is the best interests of the child, not necessarily the parent. When parents get caught up in their own grievances and focus on their needs and “winning” the case instead of prioritizing their child’s well-being, the court may see them as self-serving and less suitable for custody.
When you are navigating a custody dispute, everything you do and say will be weighed against the “child’s best interests” legal standard. This means the court will be looking for how well each parent demonstrates
- Consistency and stability for the child, including providing stable housing, employment, and a reliable routine
- Emotional support for the child and an active involvement in their life
- Behavioral and character fitness
- A willingness to cooperate with the other parent and the ability to resolve conflicts and make joint decisions
- A focus on the child’s needs, considering their school and social activities, health and emotional needs, and family relationships
- Logistics such as proximity to the child’s school and extracurricular activities, work schedule flexibility, and other practical concerns
In other words, proving to the court that you prioritize your child’s best interests will be critical to your custody case. How do you do this?
Document Your Involvement in Your Child’s Life
Because the court values parents who are actively and consistently involved in their child’s life, you can prove this by maintaining records and evidence of your attendance at school events, parent-teacher conferences, extracurricular activities, and doctor appointments. Gather report cards, photos and videos of celebrations or family outings, or other evidence of your involvement in your child’s life to show to the court.
Show a Stable and Supportive Environment
In custody cases, the courts prioritize a parent’s ability to offer a safe, stable, and secure environment for the child. To demonstrate this to the court, you will want to show evidence that you provide a stable home life, safe and secure housing, regular household routines, financial security through consistent employment, and trustworthy and reliable childcare.
Show a Willingness to Foster a Cooperative Relationship With Your Co-Parent
Courts want to see parents who can work together for the benefit of their child. To prove your commitment to a cooperative co-parenting relationship to the court, you should document any communication between you. Using a co-parenting app can be a useful way to discuss your child’s needs and coordinate their schedule while keeping a record of your interactions. This can also show you have supported the other parent’s time with your child or allowed extra time when it was appropriate.
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Mistake #2: Speaking Negatively About the Other Parent
While it’s natural to get frustrated and angry during custody disputes, the last thing you will want to do is speak negatively about the other parent to your child, on social media, and even to others in public. This is because courts expect parents to put aside their disagreements so they can co-parent cooperatively with each other for the benefit of the child.
Negative comments can make you appear uncooperative, immature, and hostile. Avoiding negativity toward your co-parent in public, online, or in front of your child will reflect emotional maturity and a commitment to your child’s relationship with their other parent.
What does the court consider negative comments about the other parent?
- Making derogatory remarks about the other parent or voicing complaints about their decisions, lifestyle, or character in front of the child
- Making disparaging comments about or discussing your disputes and airing grievances about the other parent online, in a public setting, or even to mutual acquaintances
- Undermining the other parent’s parenting skills or sharing private details about your marriage with your child or others
- Placing blame on the other parent for your divorce or custody conflict
In extreme cases, the court may even interpret your negative comments as “parental alienation,” an overt effort to alienate your child from the other parent.
While feeling negatively toward the other parent may be expected in a custody case, you should refrain from saying things to your child or publicly that could cause the court to see you as undermining the other parent and being hostile or uncooperative.
Keep Your Conversation About Your Co-Parent Neutral Around Your Child
When talking to your child about their other parent, keep all conversations respectful and age-appropriate. Never involve your children in your disputes, and keep conversations about your co-parent neutral around them.
Resolve Your Conflicts Privately
Avoid sharing grievances with others over social media or in public. Handle disputes with your co-parent privately or through your attorney. If you struggle with having constructive conversations with the other parent, use a co-parenting app so you don’t get caught up in disputes that may reflect poorly on you.
Support Your Child’s Relationship With Their Other Parent
The bottom line is that the court believes that, in most cases, it is in a child’s best interests to have a relationship with both parents. You can prove you support this by speaking positively about your co-parent to your child and encouraging them to spend time with them.
What Happens If You Find That Your Co-Parent is Speaking Negatively About You?
What happens if your co-parent is speaking negatively about you? Don’t retaliate with comments of your own. Keep a log of these incidents, with the specific comments and actions, including their dates. Share this with your attorney, who may choose to present it to the court or suggest other remedies such as supervised visitation or counseling orders.
Mistake #3: Missing Deadlines or Court Appearances
Custody cases involve strict legal procedures that must be followed, including filing documents, meeting deadlines, and attending scheduled court hearings. Missing any of these can reflect poorly on your reliability and commitment. The court may interpret your missed deadlines or court no-shows as a lack of seriousness or even a lack of respect for the legal process. This could lead to unfavorable rulings by the court or even a loss of custody altogether.
You can avoid missing deadlines and court appearances by staying organized. Use calendars, reminder apps, spreadsheets – anything that can help you keep track of your filing deadlines, court dates, or attorney meetings. Your attorney will be aware of these deadlines and court schedules. Working closely with your legal team will ensure everyone is on the same page. If an emergency arises and you cannot make a deadline or court appearance, immediately notify your attorney to arrange an extension or reschedule a hearing.
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Mistake #4: Giving Up
Too often we see parents who will feel forced to give up to protect their children. When you are going through a custody battle against a parent who is lying, purposely alienating your child from you, and refusing to follow the court’s orders, it can feel like continuing to fight is pointless.
However, the worst thing you can do is give up. We have seen many cases of parental alienation, and it can feel like the court and the guardian ad litem are buying into what the other parent is saying.
How can you protect yourself when it feels as if your co-parent is actively manipulating your children against you?
Document Everything
Maintaining a detailed record of all your interactions with your co-parent and child can provide evidence of parental alienation to the court.
Keep a journal and record dates, calls, visits, and any attempts to communicate with your child, noting any canceled or disrupted visitation attempts and any excuses given by the other parent. Save all communication, such as texts, emails, or any other written correspondence between you, especially when they contain evidence of interference or hostility. Also, document any noticeable changes in your child’s behavior or attitude toward you, such as sudden antagonism or a refusal to communicate with you.
Try to Communicate Directly With Your Child
Unfortunately, children can feel pressured to take sides in custody disputes. Demonstrating your commitment to your child’s well-being by maintaining open, consistent, and positive communication can help combat the other parent’s alienation.
Keep conversations to subject matter that reinforces your relationship and love instead of putting them in the middle of the conflict. Try to keep consistently involved in their life, showing interest in their school, friends, and extracurricular activities. Note when these attempts are rebuffed.
Maintain Regular Contact With Your Child
Even if your co-parent interferes, try to make every effort to maintain a presence in your child’s life by sticking to your visitation schedule reliably and predictably.
If your visitation schedule is disrupted, attempt video calls or send texts, emails, or even letters to stay in touch with your child and show your dedication to their welfare. Document any times when your scheduled visitation or calls are canceled, obstructed, or denied.
Keep Trying to Promote the Positive in Your Co-Parenting Relationship
The alienating parent may be trying to portray you as the uncooperative and hostile one to justify their behavior. The more you demonstrate a cooperative attitude, the more stable and mature you appear to the court. This can reassure the court that you are focused on your child’s needs and welfare while also trying to maintain a loving relationship with them.
The court must rely on clear evidence to identify and address parental alienation. Records of ignored communication, disrupted schedules, and negative comments while you are being cooperative and emotionally mature highlight your willingness to work with the other parent even during their obstructive behavior, making their alienation even more evident. Remaining consistent, reliable, and cooperative shows the court you are trying to maintain a loving relationship with your child while shielding them from further conflict.
Parental alienation is not only painful to you but also damaging to your child. Courts take matters of parental alienation very seriously. The key to protecting your relationship will be maintaining a consistent and loving presence in your child’s life and working closely with your attorney through the appropriate legal channels.
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Mistake #5: Not Hiring an Experienced Child Custody Lawyer to Represent You
Custody disputes can be legally intricate. Because the court takes great care in awarding custody that reflects the child’s best interests, these cases require extensive legal understanding, meticulous preparation, and thoughtful decision-making. Even the most well-meaning and capable parents can overlook procedural steps, misinterpret requirements, or not understand how to create a compelling case for themselves or counter claims made by the other party.
While hiring an experienced custody lawyer will require a financial investment, the cost of not hiring one can be far more significant. Unfortunately, parents who attempt to navigate custody disputes without legal guidance can find themselves with limited custody or visitation rights or reduced parenting time.
How Can You Most Effectively Avoid These 5 Mistakes When You are Navigating a Child Custody Dispute?
Child custody cases are undeniably some of the most challenging cases for parents. You can avoid making these common custody mistakes by
- Working with an experienced child custody attorney who will guide you through the process and advocate for your and your child’s needs, ensuring your best possible outcome
- Documenting and keeping thorough records of any interactions and relevant incidents with your co-parent
- Focusing on your child’s well-being and showing the court that your priority is their health, happiness, and stability
- Maintaining a positive and cooperative co-parenting attitude, demonstrating to the court that you can put aside your personal grievances to co-parent maturely and respectfully
If you are facing a custody dispute, don’t leave your case to chance. Hiring an experienced child custody lawyer will ensure you get the legal guidance and support you need to skillfully navigate a contentious child custody dispute. The legal team at Melone Hatley, P.C. is here to diligently protect your and your family’s future and rights. Reach out or call us at (877) 462-0624 to schedule a no-cost consultation with one of our client service coordinators. You shouldn’t face this alone. We are here to be your legal partner throughout this challenging time.
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