Divorce is difficult enough, but when you come to the process with misconceptions and misunderstandings, it makes it even more challenging and stressful.
Many outdated or simply untrue myths still circulate around divorce today. Let’s look at three of these and parse fact from fiction so you aren’t navigating your divorce with misinformation that can lead to unnecessary stress or poor financial and legal outcomes.
Myth #1: Divorce Always Leads to Bitter Court Battles
The idea that all divorces inevitably lead to hostile courtroom battles is a persistent and damaging misconception. Every state in the nation offers a no-fault version of divorce, simplifying the process and enabling couples to go their own ways without extensive litigation. In fact, surveys have consistently shown that the majority of divorces – between 90 and 95 percent – are settled outside the courtroom. This is possible when divorcing couples can reach a resolution through cooperation, collaboration, mediation, or negotiation.
Navigating Divorce With a Cooperative Attitude
Granted, by the time you get to the decision to divorce, the last thing you may believe is that you’re capable of cooperating with your spouse. However, there are few advantages to a divorce where both parties refuse to budge. If you are willing to approach the end of your marriage cooperatively and attempt to find some common ground, you are less likely to get embroiled in prolonged and bitter legal disputes that can be legally and financially costly and emotionally stressful for both you and your children.
Cooperation will require clear communication, patience, and a willingness to compromise. While this may not always be easy, especially dealing with emotionally charged issues, it often pays off in the long term.
Collaborative Divorce
A collaborative divorce is structured so both parties commit to resolving disputes outside of court with the help of their attorneys. These can also involve other professionals depending on their situation.
Collaborative divorces are particularly beneficial for couples with children, as the process promotes cooperative co-parenting and prioritizes the well-being of the entire family. Each spouse retains their own attorney, but the focus will be on working together and problem-solving instead of litigating. Like any divorce process, both spouses agree to transparency and share appropriate documentation. If the collaborative process fails and disputes can’t be resolved, the divorcing couple then has the option to go to court.
Mediation
Another alternative to litigation, meditation uses a neutral third party to help divorcing spouses communicate and negotiate to reach an agreement.
A mediator does not represent either party, but merely addresses the legal issues and guides both parties in productive discussions toward a mutual resolution. Mediation is typically less costly and preserves a more cordial relationship which can be particularly important when spouses must establish a cooperative co-parenting agreement and parenting plan.
Negotiation
Before heading to court, negotiation usually plays a central role in most divorces. Whether this takes place informally between spouses or through their attorneys, negotiation is a powerful tool for finding common ground, even in more contentious divorces. When both parties have clear goals but are willing to make concessions, negotiation will allow divorcing couples to come to an agreement that usually satisfies both of them. When negotiations are facilitated through their attorneys, a couple can ensure that their agreements are fair, legally sound, and enforceable.
Avoiding litigation when possible usually gives spouses greater flexibility and control over their outcomes and establishes a more amicable post-divorce relationship going forward. Of course, not all divorces will find an amicable resolution without court intervention. Some couples facing high-conflict challenges, custody disputes, or complicated financial division will usually need the structure and authority of the court to resolve their issues.
Schedule your free meeting with our team today to see if our Lawyers can help you.
Myth #2: Mothers Always Get Custody of the Children
The belief that mothers are always awarded custody of the children is a long-standing myth that is rooted in outdated gender roles and assumptions. While custody awards to the mother were very common in the past, family courts today usually award some form of shared custody between both parents, sometimes even awarding custody to the father.
Where did this myth come from? In the past, family law systems usually operated under something called the “tender years doctrine.” This presumed that young children were best cared for by their mother in a divorce situation, especially during their more formative years. But as family law has shifted toward more gender-neutral standards, courts now focus on what is in the best interests of the children. Courts now believe that children are best served by the interaction, attention, and influence of both parents.
Because of this shift, courts now take a more individualized approach to custody awards, taking into consideration each parent’s
- Relationship and involvement with the child
- Living environment and stability
- Co-parenting ability
- History of child abuse, neglect, or substance abuse
Depending on a child’s age and maturity, the court sometimes considers the child’s preference when making custody determinations.
Consequently, today’s modern courts emphasize the importance of both a mother’s and father’s influence in the child’s life and no longer favor one parent over the other in custody decisions unless other factors warrant it.
Myth #3: You Don’t Need a Lawyer if Both Spouses Agree
When both spouses can agree on the terms of their divorce, it is undoubtedly less contentious and less expensive. But unless divorcing spouses are both attorneys, they probably know very little about family law.
A divorce is a complex legal transaction, and even when both parties basically agree to its terms, they will want to fully understand their rights and obligations under the law to ensure their agreement is fair and legally enforceable should disagreements surface in the future. Not fully understanding the law can have an impact on several different aspects of the divorce process.
Property Division
Most married couples have typically acquired real estate, personal property, investments, and debt throughout their marriage. How this property is fairly divided in a divorce will vary depending on the laws of the state where the couple is divorcing. While they can come up with a mutual agreement that works for them, without legal guidance, one or both spouses might be agreeing to property division that isn’t fair or financially in their best interests.
Child Custody and Support
Even when couples agree on custody arrangements, the court will still require formal parenting plans, visitation schedules, and child support agreements. These must not only be fair to both parties but must also use state guidelines and meet state requirements ensuring they protect the child’s best interests.
Unintended Financial Losses
When spouses don’t understand the long-term impact of their agreements, they may accept unequal property division or waive alimony they may be entitled to. These decisions can jeopardize their financial stability and be difficult to remedy post-divorce.
Potential Tax Implications
Some decisions made during a divorce, such as property division or who claims the children as dependents can also have significant tax consequences. Without legal guidance, these can lead to costly mistakes at tax time.
Legal Compliance and Future Changes or Disputes
The divorce may be friendly now, but it may not remain so friendly. It may seem fair now, but circumstances change. Future disputes or changes in circumstances can arise that may require court intervention. If proper procedures were not properly followed, or agreements resulted in legal ambiguities, enforcing and resolving disputes can result in costly legal battles.
Unequal Power Dynamics
Although both spouses may appear in agreement, if an unequal power dynamic is at play, one spouse may exert power over the other to gain unfair advantage. Attorneys act as their clients’ advocates, ensuring they are not unfairly taken advantage of.
Amicable does not mean simple or fair. No matter how friendly the divorce is, spouses may unknowingly agree to terms that are inequitable, incomplete, or legally unenforceable without legal guidance. While it’s admirable to approach a divorce cooperatively, there will still be legal and financial issues that will require legal consideration to ensure effectiveness, fairness, and compliance.
Click to contact our family lawyers today
Dispelling the Myths
There is no doubt that divorce is already a challenging process, but believing these common myths can lead to a more stressful process and even work against your best interests. By recognizing that not all divorces result in bitter battles, custody decisions don’t always benefit the mother, and not all “friendly” divorces will be fair or enforceable without legal guidance, you can navigate the process more effectively and approach your divorce with more clarity and confidence.
Consulting with a qualified family law attorney ensures you are legally protected and your settlement agreement is fair and enforceable. At Melone Hatley, P.C., our skilled family lawyers are here to advise and guide you through the process so you can have peace of mind knowing your rights are protected. Call us at (877) 462-0624 or reach out to schedule a no-cost consultation with one of our client services coordinators.
Schedule a call with one of our client services coordinators today.
